Do You Believe in Soul Mates?
by annie6857
Summary: Tony's musings over his relationship with Ziva. Set sometime in season seven, but before the season seven finale. Spoilers for season 4-7.


**A/N: Here is a one shot that came to me while watching a video about Tony and Ziva. Inspiration struck and wouldn't leave me alone till I got it all out on paper. I hope you enjoy this small peek into the mind of Tony DiNozzo.**

**A quick note, the italic portion is all from Tony's point of view and is in first person. This fic is also set sometime in season 7, but it's set before the season finale.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. I am merely borrowing the characters.**

Do You Believe In Soul Mates?

Tony sat in the empty bullpen that was only lit by his desk lamp. A Word document was open on his computer. A blank document he was supposed to be using to write his report for the O'Connor case. For some reason he couldn't concentrate on it. Even though it was late at night when he'd seemed to do his best work as far as reports went.

Tony continued to stare at the blank document wondering if he should shut his computer down and try again in the morning. If he waited until the morning, he'd have Gibbs breathing down his neck because this report was supposed to have been done by five this evening. Not feeling like getting a Gibbs' smack or hearing the teasing of his co-workers Tony decided to stay until he had the report finished.

His mind was wondering from subject to subject. The new probies had been given a tour that morning. His report wasn't done because he'd spent most of his morning flirting with the new females then a call had come in. All thoughts of writing his report had flown out of his mind as he and the team began to try to solve the murder of Petty Officer Wilkes until of course Ziva and McGee turned their reports into Gibbs before leaving the office for the night.

Something McGee had told him about how he'd gotten through his writer's block when writing Rock Hollow began to tug at the back of his mind. He could remember how much fun he'd had playing with the typewriter in McGee's apartment. The sound of oldies from the record player then it hit him. Free writing had been McGee's cure for writer's block. Maybe it'd work for report block. It certainly couldn't hurt.

"Write whatever comes to mind," Tony muttered as positioned his hands on keyboard then once again his mind went blank. "Damn!"

In as small corner of his mind a female voice asked, "Do you believe in soul mates?" Words flooded Tony's mind and his fingers couldn't seem to move fast enough to keep up with his train of thought.

_It's amazing how a simple question can get stuck in your head and come out at the most inopportune times. And it's not like she asked the question a day ago or a week ago or even a month ago. It had been two years since Ziva had cornered me at the vending machine. Okay, maybe she didn't corner me and she did help me out by trading my crumpled bill for her four quarters. To me at that moment if felt like she was hitting me over the head with hints at what could possibly be between us. Or maybe, I was just reading too much into it._

_That case had made everyone think about soul mates. How could it not? A woman goes through hell and finally gets to America on the shear faith that her husband will be there waiting for her because she and he were meant to be. The crazy thing about it was it made Ziva think about me and her together while I was thinking about Jeanne. Don't get me started on Jeanne once I start talking about her I don't know if I'll be able to stop. Looking back on that relationship now makes me realize that it was doomed to fail. I was pretending to be what she needed to gain her trust._

_I lost myself in that case by thinking I had everything I thought I wanted, but it's not what I want. Is it? I mean I'd like to think that someday I'd have the white picket fence and a beautiful understanding strong woman to come home to. Possibly, children - with the right woman definitely. Which of course brings me back to my partner, Ziva._

_Funny, how picturing my ideal woman leads me back to my partner. To set the record straight I do love her. Somalia taught me that, but there is more to having a relationship with Ziva than loving her. We are part of a team. A team that would be put in jeopardy if I give into my feelings. Let her give into the feelings, I know she has for me or least she used to before Michael._

_Before Michael and Jeanne, we had our circles that we ran in unhindered. Circles composed of banter and sexual tension that was barely held in check, but the possibilities had been endless. We both had been unattached so there was the hope of maybe someday._

_Ironically, the people that helped to weaken and almost destroy our relationship had made us stop running those comfortable circles and realize are true feeling for each other. Unfortunately, Ziva and I never came to that realization at the same time. When Ziva had come to it, I'd still been over the moon about Jeanne or licking my wounds over that breakup. Then it was my turn to slowly realize what Ziva meant to me and she had moved on with Michael._

_Michael just about shattered our partnership which made me realize that partnership is the most important thing in the world to me at this point. I know that when I thought she was dead I couldn't live without her. But it would be worse if we jumped off that cliff into the great unknown of coupledom only to lose each other because we couldn't make it work._

_It wouldn't just be our partnership that we'd be risking it would also be the team. The team that had become family. The people in my life and hers that understood us best. I can't risk that on an unknown. I won't._

_Bottom line, I love my partner. I need Ziva in my life. I need to hear her laugh in the squad room when we prank McGee. I need to hear her screwed up idioms that are becoming less frequent. I need to be able to go into a dangerous situation and know she has my back. But I cannot tell her how much I need her and love her because her friendship and partnership aren't worth losing even if she is my soulmate and I can't live without her._

As quickly as the words had come they'd left him, he reread what he'd wrote. Tony began revising and editing out of habit even though he was almost positive he wasn't supposed to when free writing. Finally satisfied with his work he went to close the document. A box appeared on his screen with a question, "Do you wish to save this document?" without thought Tony hit save.

Tony opened a new document. Free writing it seemed had cleared his report block. Within an hour his report was typed and printed sitting neatly on Gibbs' desk. Smiling Tony grabbed his gear and headed out to his car. It was only midnight which meant he'd get at least six hours of sleep before he had to head back to the office.

**A/N: I like how this one shot turned out. Reviews are appreciated.**

**Until Next Time,**

**annie6857**


End file.
